38 Million Vehicles Recalled Due To Faulty Cupholders

Ford has recalled 38 million vehicles that have faulty cupholders, a company spokesman said. Customers are complaining that the cupholders are not well suited to support the enormous weight of the new 3 liter jumbo drinks sold at various fast food chains.

"Well I done pulled into Mickey D's t'uther day and got me one of them there huge drinks. Damn cup holder just done gave out on me. I spilt ma dang soda all over the floor. Next thing ya know I wrapped my truck around a fence post!" said Alabama resident and local crank Luke Farnsworthy.

"My fucking jumbo size Diet Coke won't fit in the fuckin' cupholder!" fumed John Fudinker, Chicago resident and area asshole. "So I have to hold the fucking thing between my legs. By the time I get to work my fucking nuts are frozen fucking SOLID!"

Angry protesters stood outside Ford Motor Company's world headquarters Friday throwing plastic cups and chanting racial slurs for no apparent reason.

Ford says every vehicle they produce will now feature metal cupholders capable of supporting beverages up to 13 inches in diameter and weighing up to 35 pounds.