Saturday, August 25, 2007

Man's Penis Becomes Torch

The Moscow press is reporting that a woman set her ex-husband's penis on fire. Due to the high cost of housing in Moscow, the couple, although divorced, still occupy the same apartment. According to the victim, Vladimir Vadavich, the attack was completely unwarranted.

"I do not know what I did to deserve. It was very painful. Was like tiny candle burning in wind. Then bitch lit cigarette with it, cackling like dirty whore she is!"

"I try blow out, but keep flaming back hurt very bad. I try hard to pee...put out flames. But shit in pants instead! Finally, I stuff in her mouth to extinguish."

I say, "You happy now? I have burned cock and you have burned mouth! You sorry bitch whore!"

"It smell like hot dog barbeque, but with burned pubic hair smell mixed. Do you like hot dogs, Mr. Newsman? Because I sure as hell do not!"

"Why you laugh? You think burned penis is laughing matter? When try to ejaculate...much pain, much pain. I drink lots dull pain...and when try to make pee, flames shoot out."

"Now if excuse, I go rub lotion on my wiener."

A few minutes later, Mr. Vadavich emerged from the bathroom and continued the interview pantless, his genitals covered in a white lotion-like substance.

"She big fat bitch! I threaten to take away her potato chips. Also, I no longer leave matches around house. Then Vladimir tell her will light up her nipples. I think that scare her, but I still afraid to fall sleep at night."

"Why she make the fire on my pee-pee? Why? Fire and pee-pee's do not go together!"

He then broke down sobbing, rocking slowly in his chair.

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