Al Qaeda in Iraq Leader Killed

A top member of al Qaeda in Iraq was killed Wednesday by Iraqi soldiers in Mosul.

Initially, the U.S. Marines took credit for the killing of the al Qaeda in Iraq leader, but later admitted that they just happened across his corpse.

"He had been stabbed, beaten, shot, and strangled to death. His lifeless body was then hung from a tree in a town square as a warning," said Lt. George Carpal. "Shit, all we need to do is let these Iraqis kill each other off. Then when all the violence ends, we can get down to the REAL mission...raping Iraq of its oil and other natural resources. And raping its women and donkeys."

He then drove off into the distance in his gold-plated Humvee, smoking a giant cigar and laughing heartily, running over a starving child lying in the street.