Britney Spears Embarasses Self By Appearing Healthy, Non-Anorexic

Britney Spears' performance at the MTV VMA awards has become a hot topic in the entertainment world.

"Yeah, I saw Britney last night at the VMA's she was HUGE...like 120 pounds or something!" said Paris Hilton. "What a porker! I couldn't even see her ribs!"

We caught up with the Olsen twins in the bathroom toilet after chucking up their dinners. "Yeah, I'm really worried for her health. Being that big isn't good for you."

Britney is receiving plenty of diet advice from friends like Keira Knightley. "Well for breakfast she should eat half a piece of toast and some water. For lunch I have one Tic-Tac and half a peanut. For dinner...well, I usually just skip dinner."

In contrast, a News Time USA poll indicated that 98% of the men who responded said they would 'love to fuck the living shit out of her'. The other 2% were gay.