Thursday, July 19, 2007

Easy-Bake Oven Recall

In February, Easy Bake's parent company, Hasbro Inc., recalled 985,000 of the toys because children were getting their hands and fingers trapped in the front opening, and some were burned. At that time, Hasbro offered a free repair kit to improve the oven's safety.

Hasbro should just send out a memo saying "Hey, not our fault your kids are stupid morons!"

"These are the same kids who grab a burning log when they go camping! What are you going to do? Recall fire?"

Hasbro suggested to parents that they buy those kids a toy that is more their speed, like Hasbro's new 'Rock'.

"Basically, its a doesn't do much more than just sit there. Parents, however, have complained that children are bashing each other over the head with the new toys and have asked Hasbro to recall the new toy as well."

Some have even bashed in their OWN heads in a remarkable act of pure stupidity.

Hasbro responded with "Jesus Christ on a cracker!"

One child even managed to swallow "Rock", which is remarkable considering it's about 10 inches in diameter

"Basically our safety team has given up all hope of making so-called safe toys. Kids are just getting stupider instead of smarter."

Hasbro said in a statement that they are canceling their "Easy Bake Oven for Morons".

"I just don't think we can make this thing any more fool proof. I mean, it uses a fucking lightbulb to cook with! You'd have to keep your hand in there for an hour to get burned! And then we get some stupid kid wearing it on his head like a hat and the dumbass burns off all his hair! Then they sue us!"

"I mean...what the fuck? Where are the PARENTS when this stuff is going on? Were they this stupid at 6 years old? I don't remember all this stupidity in the 60's and 70's. Kids must literally be getting stupider by the minute!"

"Shit, back in the 70's we released 'Little Tommy Nail Gun'. We didn't get any complaints! Now we make 'Sandy Soft Sponge' and some kid in Arkansas chokes on her. CHOKES ON A 4 FOOT SPONGE!"

"Jesus...back in the 70's, kids knew not to point gun toys at each other! Nowadays, they're putting them to their heads and pulling the trigger 'just to see what happens'. Now we have to make guns all these stupid colors like lime green and pink because some dumb shit runs into 7-11 with a toy rifle and tries to steal all their Ho Ho's!"

"So HASBRO has to suffer? We can't make realistic guns anymore! Where's the justice? Huh? A kid gets blown away by a double-barreled shotgun....and for what? A delicious chocolate pastry treat. Pathetic."

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