President Bush to Undergo Colonoscopy

President Bush will undergo a colonoscopy tomorrow, during which power will be transferred to Vice-President Dick Cheney.

"If there's anyone I can trust with maintaining the war on terror while I'm being reamed out, it's ol' Dicky-Boy. Hell, he shot a guy in the face once! Remember that? That was cool", Mr. Bush said.

This is the President's fourth colonoscopy, a procedure he describes as "a real pain in the ass".

"The whole situation just stinks," says President Bush.

Former Chief-of-Staff Colin Powell had his colon prowled by the same proctologist, known lovingly as "Dr. StinkFinger" in White House circles.

"I don't know why they have to go so deep...it feels like a dog digging up a garden, woooo wheeee, it smarted! I done told the doc, 'There ain't no WMD's up there son...what's taking so long?" chuckled Mr. Bush.

Mr. Bush, however, says he has a very supportive family and staff, particularly the Vice-President.

"Dick has been very supportive through this hole ordeal. He's hard sometimes, but he helps me push through the hard times", Mr. Bush explained.

The entire procedure will be broadcast on C-Span next week.