Chinese Desperate for Lead-Free Paint Formula

It has been reported that a Pentagon computer system was compromised yesterday by a Chinese hacker evidently looking for the formula to create lead-free paint.

Similar computer break-ins were discovered at the Jet Propulsion Laboratory, Los Alamos, and the Sherwin Williams corporate headquarters.

An official with the Pentagon said, "We just don't understand it. Lead-free paint is readily available on the open market. Why they are secretly looking for ways to synthesize it is beyond me. Hell, I'll buy 'em a couple of cans to get 'em started."

When asked why they don't simply buy the lead-free paint, a Chinese official said, "Shut up, dirty capitalist pig! We need no paint from the round-eye Westerners! We make our own! The Communist way! We don't buy what we can make in the sweatshops of Beijing!"

Other formulas that may have been compromised include Chicken McNuggets, the Colonel's secret recipe, and Campbell's chicken soup.