Thursday, September 6, 2007

Popcorn Fumes Dangerous, Addictive

The latest way among teens to get high? Smoking popcorn. Popular because it's legal, and leaves them smelling like fresh buttered popcorn. And who doesn't love the smell of fresh buttered popcorn?

Mary Jane Wigsworth, of the watchdog group Parents Against Popcorn said, "When asked by their parents where they've been all night, they say 'the movies', and the parents believe it. Little do they know that little Johnny has been in a popcorn den getting high as a kite. "

The discovery was made late last week when one teen, a non-smoker, was found to have contracted lung cancer. When surgeons opened his lungs they smelled like a movie theater.

"Well it all started one night after I popped a bag of Orville Redenbacher's. I breathed in the fumes and I was hooked. I got my friends to try it and all of a sudden we were loading it into bongs, pipes, joints...whatever. Some guys even snort it."

Blaine Watson loved popcorn so much he ate it for every meal for 10 years, often covering the bag and himslef with a blanket just to inhale the popcorn fumes.

"I'd stuff my pillows with old popcorn and sleep on it...stuff it in my pants, rub it in my hair...I just can't get enough microwave popcorn! When the doctors told me I had popcorn lung I was devastated. Then I said...wait...what the hell is popcorn lung? The doctors explained it to me as I munched on some movie theater style popcorn I scammed from the hospital vending machine."

He realized he was hooked. "It wasn't just the smell....I was actually getting high on the fumes."

"Some nights it's all I can think about...I crave it...want to make love to it...want to BE IT! It's like...crack," Mr. Watson stammered, shoving handfuls of popcorn into his already full mouth.

Soon, his son Billy picked up the habit from a group of teens pushing bags of Movie Time popcorn on the corner.

Mr. Watson knew his son was in trouble when he found him in his room passed out face down in a bowl of Jiffy Pop. "But i thought nothing of it...until he put on the cape and tried to fly like Superman off our roof. While he was in the hospital, I searched his room and found his stash...Jiffy Pop with...extra butter flavoring," he sobbed.

The FDA says it is currently investigating the matter and will consider putting warning labels on all bags of microwave popcorn.

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