President Crybaby

Washington--

President Bush told Robert Draper, the author of a new book on his presidency, that he cries 'a hell of a lot'.

“I try not to wear my worries on ma sleeve, or pants leg or any other part of my apparel,” said Bush. “I cry a hell of a lot! I cry at weddings, funerals, bar mitzvahs, PTA night, large sales events, spilt milk, spilt orange juice. Hell, I cried when they shot ol' Yeller. Damn...that poor dog.” the President paused for a moment, sniffling slightly. “Sorry, that was just a dag gum sad movie. Ma wife won't let me watch it anymore 'cause I git so dag gum torn up over the endin,." Bush sputtered.

Bush broke down into tears when he recalled his drinking days and how “gawd” helped him stop. “I wouldn't be head honcho if I were still suckin, down grandma's cough medicine. I haven't had a drink in 20 minutes...err...I mean 20 years!” Bush continued to sniffle.

When asked what he planned to do after is presidency, Bush remarked, “I want to replenish the ol' coffers makin' ridiculous money on the lecture circuit like ma buddy Billy Boy! [referring to President Clinton]! Problem is, I can't go more than 30 minutes with out cryin' like a baby for his mother's tit."