Ice Cream Stick Ship Sets Sail

A ship constructed of 5 million ice cream sticks glued together by more than 5000 schoolchildren over the course of two years set sail this past Tuesday. The ship drifted into the shark-infested harbor with 35 brave children aboard before slowly disintegrating and stranding the pint-sized sailors for several hours. At least one child was devoured by a Great White shark when he panicked and attempted to dog-paddle back to shore.

"I knew we should of used something other than Elmer's glue", griped Freddy "Fatty" Turnbuckle. "But these idiots wouldn't listen to me! I told them the Elmer's glue would come apart as soon as it touched the water! But did they listen? NOOOOO! Two years of my childhood wasted!

The children had originally planned to sail to England and back but instead sailed a whopping 500 feet into the harbor before tragedy struck.